i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My bed smells like the plague
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