You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
