I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
