fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
