do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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