you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
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Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
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Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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