i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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