I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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