you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
