I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
