If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
