she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am mentally ready for anal.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
