I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
