i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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