Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
