I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
