He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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