someone threw a dead crab at me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
