She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If I die, sorry about rent.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
