I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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