Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
