My nipple is on Facebook.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hippo gnu deer
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
