i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
