i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
