Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
