Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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