Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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