he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
