i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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