how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
