If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
