??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
