OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I have post one night stand depression
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