remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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