do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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