Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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