I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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