She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
