dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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