Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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