im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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