i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Is it penis luge time yet?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
