when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
