She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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