It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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