he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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