She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
