yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
