I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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