how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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