Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
