She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
