I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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