How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
