Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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