Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
