im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
