did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
