so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
