Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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