Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
