he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
