Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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